Why...

OK so i havent blogged in i dunno a couple of weeks.... but it has been a busy time.
On a positive note ive been getting heaps of work so i'm thankful for that! Not only has the work been good but ive also been blessed by good kids, they really do make ones day, even those that make u tired! (aka the kindies)

But then today, tonight i should say, i get a feeling of despair. It should be a happy time seeing as my uncle is getting married tomorrow so all the wedding prep has been going along smoothly!

Mum got a call from one of her sisters and it seems my sister wont be around for much longer. Its a strange feeling. I dont know her that well seeing as shes always lived over seas (long story) and because of that ive never had that deep loving sisterly affection for her. But when ure dumped with bad news well i guess u realise just how much you can take someone for granted.

My sister doesnt have that long to go before she passes from this world into another. Ive learnt that one can rage and pull their hair out and be frustrated by the hopeless situation, and yet you know that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do. Only a miracle can reverse things. Alas we are only human, miracles are something best left up to God.

One would think that the knowing would make the inevitable easier to accept. How naive that thought is. Tonight brings back painful memories from the not too distant past.

A few years ago i lost someone quite close to me. When i was told what was going to happen i took it fairly easily, and yet i still took my grandpa for granted. In some twisted way i thought he'd be around forever. Had it really been that many years since he carried me in his arms home from preschool?? People often say when they hear the 'oldies' start "In the old days..." they knew it was going to be one of 'those' stories and so you'd be tempted to make a fast get away. Ashamedly i must say i was one of those. But now, I long to hear those stories, i long to hear his strong voice reminisce about the times travelling on the motorbike, sharing his experiences during the war, when times were tough and there was little money to go around. They may seem like pointless stories at the time, but its only later, when its too late, that you realise that all these stories are still part of your history. Perhaps thats why ive had this sudden urge to discover as much as i can about my past, to record my findings and hopefully pass it on to generations to come.

The day before he died i visited him. On a sweltering day i held his hand which felt like an icicle, so cold it sent shivers up my arm. It was all i could do not to cry. The feeling of helplessness is something that cannot be described. THen the next day dawned bright and sunny. I rolled over and the phone rang. Before it was answered i knew. Always a case of too little too late. I felt sick and angry, i wouldnt see him full of life anymore, i wouldnt get to hug him, to tell him how much he meant to me. Even now it pains me to think of all those times i could have sat down with him and just enjoyed his company. Sadly that is all in the past.

I doubt that there is much i can do with regards to my sister. I can only pray that she knows Christ, support mum through this trying time. Dealing with emotions is something i find a little difficult to do. And yet here i am asking the age old question.... Why?